I read your diary. First, I felt a strange sense of unease holding it. You never let anyone touch it. The nervousness still clings to me. Still, I wanted to feel you and listen to you. And it was overpowering!
Your last note read…
6th June 2019
Today, I am being admitted to the hospital. I have not been well for the past two days. Ruchi says that the discomfort may be because of the oily food at the party I had two days ago. But I love samosas! Anyway, I will be back soon. See Ya!
My eyes welled up.
Both me and your diary wish you came back soon. But you just went away!
I turn to the other pages slowly. Your diary seems to be luckier than me. At least, you had a conversation with it daily and narrated so many things happening in your life.
5th April 2019
Ramesh told me that his son has come today from Canada. I wish Vishal would come from the US too!
11th May 2019
I am going to give Sarita’s jewels to Ruchi. What good are they lying in the bank locker?
The entries go on and on……
*******
My thoughts go back to the fateful day.
Why didn’t you tell me, Daddy?
I should have not waited for two days and taken you right away to the hospital. But I was coming back from Bangalore after work and told you to hold on.
Shreya tapped me on the shoulder to break my reverie. She has told me to get rid of the guilt of your death.
“That’s not the point, Shreya,” I say when we are in the garden. “Look at the setting sun. It goes down slowly each day informing us of the nightfall so that we complete all the activities we planned before its departure. But we don’t take it seriously and time slips away irrevocably. Similarly, we must talk and spend time with our loved ones, especially our parents who are like the setting sun. They yearn for your attention and company. My guilt is I did not spend time with your grandpa much at all. Despite having me and Vishal uncle, he was so lonely. And I was right here!”
Shreya squeezed my hand. “Mom, Grandpa never wanted attention. He never demanded your time.”
I shook my head.
“You are wrong, dear. He wanted his kids near, just like me and Daddy.” I sobbed.
******
I wrote in the diary……..
30th June 2019
Today, he went away. Never to come back. I am guilty I didn’t try enough….
Disclaimer: This is a fictional account. The names, events etc. have no connection to reality.